Friday, September 23, 2005

How to get nailed in college

This story popped into my end when i was crossing the street at Central Michigan University. When i thought of it, it was the best story idea i had ever had to that point.

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How to get nailed in college

Danny was the type of boy that made a lot of rash decisions. If you ever need someone to get naked or drink a random liquid, he was your man. Once he stole a car, on a dare, naked. He wasn’t the brightest guy.

            Danny had another problem, he loved the ladies. Well, not necessarily the ladies. As he put it he loved to “get laid.” The summer of 2002 he got gonorrhea three times. He gets around, and he doesn’t care. You can call him whatever you like, a pimp, a slut, a hoe, whatever, he doesn’t care, as long as he is getting ladies.

            Last summer though he did something none of us ever expected, he got a girlfriend. He hasn’t had a girlfriend since high school. Since college started he followed the hit it and quit it approach. Sex’em up then kick’em out. Asides from the causal penicillin shots; surprising, this never really caused a problem. Now he had a girlfriend? Now he had commitment? Now he had to talk? How would this last? Well, it didn’t. It turned out Jenna was only in town for the summer. Then after that she was going to school in Italy. Before she left for Italy, Jenna broke up with Danny. It was messy, it was bad, and it was hott. Luckily, Danny got back to his old routine pretty fast.

            That year I lived with Danny. We should have had a revolving door. There was a new girl every night. It was out of control. The joke is Danny still cared about Jenna. He wanted her back, now. I swear every other girl that came home with him was named Jenna, or Jen, or something like that. It was pretty sick. He totally wanted her back. Sometimes, he would just start talking about her. He would get all emo on me and whine about how he wished he was with her. It was horrible, between the whining and the banging I could never get any sleep. This happened all year.

            Summer came, and so did Danny, and eventually he moved on. By this time his wild sexcapades were slowing down. It was still rampant, but not by Danny standards.

            One day, Ryan, our friend from high school came to visit. When we were seniors in high school, he was a freshman. Now that he graduated he was going to come to our school. We wanted to show him a good time before he came in the fall. So we went out crusin’ for babes.

            Cruzin' for babes is pretty fun, we mostly just drive around and honk at girls. It’s a good time, but, this time wasn’t. You see, this night Danny saw someone quite unexpected. He saw her. He saw Jenna. We were at a stop light and directly across the street in her car was Jenna. She didn’t notice us; I think she was checking her make up or something. Danny pointed her out and hastily explained how this was his only chance. I didn’t really get what he was saying, then typical Danny style he did something stupid. The light turned green and without any warning he slammed head long into her car. I guess he thought that maybe he could talk to her that way, maybe get her number, well he was wrong. You see, the resulting crash was a five car pile up in which I suffered a broken arm, Danny got a concussion, Ryan got paralyzed and Jenna died.

            The next few weeks were horrible; I was incessantly questioned by the police. They were so perplexed about the situation, there was no alcohol, no motive, no real reason. I guess it was love. I went to Jenna’s funeral, I didn’t like her, but, she was dead. The saddest part about her funeral was the low attendance, for how easy she was, few people attended. Danny was in a horrible state, constantly crying, I later heard he tried suicide. Being Ryan was under eighteen at the time, and his parents were both attorneys, Danny got nailed pretty hard. He got sent to prison.

            Last week I visited him and he looked in rough shape. He had bruises on his body and I could see the dried tear stains on his face. While I was talking to him I heard two guys arguing over how much toilet wine Danny was worth. I think he was worth more then what they settled on. He told me how no one visits, not even his family. They’re all mad at him for what he did. They can’t believe his reasoning. Some say the true reason was because he was the only girl that took his heart. What ever the reason Jenna was dead, Ryan was paralyzed, and Danny was in really bad shape. Well, at least my arm healed.      

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